I love nature.
The time he stood next to a fridge and I felt like a teeny-tiny baby sapling looking up at Daddy Tree, not like incest, but like, “Someday I’ll climb that.”
The time he got stuck on the stairs and I was inspired to join the National Forest Foundation to save trees just like him.
The time he just sat there showing off his ginormous stumps.
The time he wore these lil’ jorts and I decided I’d never buy a real Christmas tree again (because Tree Man wouldn’t want that).
The time he made a protein shake, but all I could think of was his maple syrup*.
That time he stood in a doorway and had a *moment* looking at his fellow treeple.
The time he was riding in a car and all I could think about was that scene in Final Destination when the logs fall off the truck and I felt concerned but also h*rny.
The time he just stood there so we could admire his girth.
The time he sat on a stool and I was just like, “This man is a tree sitting on a stool.”
The time he held full-size pumpkins and I was like, “Holy heck, I’ve never seen a tree hold pumpkins before?!”
The time he almost grew into the ceiling fan.
The time he channeled his inner redwood.
And lastly, here’s another picture of his fucking huge legs because #stumpspo (like #thinspo but for stumps).